i always seem to have these grand realizations right about the end of the year. or grand thoughts, ideas... or just some grand gibberish-- who knows, really.
right now i have grand snot clogging up my brain, sinuses, nose, throat, etc. and it's clouding my thoughts. i've tried the herbal tea, the allergy medication, the bath & body works stress relief pulse point cream (that stuff works wonders most of the time), sitting upright, etc... but this time of year it's just about inevitable-- sinus infection... bleh.
so, an update of sorts finally arrives. bout time, i know... settle down. i went a whole 2 months without giving a thought to a journal entry here. kinda scary. really scary, actually. and that's been part of what's going on in my life... the fact that i have been tuned out of myself and tuned in to someone else entirely. but that's changing, and the evidence is cropping up slowly but it's here, quietly pointing the way for me as i stand in the darkness, only wanting to go the right way.
life has just been moving too fast lately. with too much to do and not enough time to do it, and here i am stuck caught trapped in the middle with no foreseeable way out. i haven't had the time to process it, mostly because i've been spending all of my time living instead of reflecting. in some ways this is a good thing, but it's left me drained, as if i have been swept up into a whirlwind and then carelessly discarded out the side of it.
it's the holidays, that's largely to blame, and this year there was more involved in "holidays" than there ever has been for me before. my mother only had thanksgiving day off, so they sort of decided not to do anything. that was fine because i had a place to go.
and now, christmas has come and gone and now it's nearly 2002. and just like so many years in the past, this one has flown by faster than i care to ponder.
but this year has been very different from the past years. i was smarter this year, somehow. or just ready for happiness, after dealing with so much tumult in 2000. this year flew by faster than any other year, and yet i remember more from this year than i do from some years combined. kinda scary. but very good. why? well...
i'm not entirely sure i want to give that secret away yet. but anyway... when i moved here in january, after leaving beloved boston... it took me a long time to adjust to living back in texas, back at home, back in a place i was so familiar with-- yet so unfamiliar with in ways i'd never thought of before. i was still working for the same company but now on a different level and it presented new challenges for me.
and now, here i am at the end of the year, manager of the shop, dating someone wonderful, owner of a new car (well... new to me), and life is still changing for me. it's more the norm now than not, but that's ok-- i'm not complaining.