journal-01/27/01

01/27/01

Here I am... in Texas. In case you hadn't noticed.

And really, I have to remind myself of this every day. I feel like I'm just visiting, like I'm going back to my apartment in Boston very soon. I feel like the Stop & Shop is just down the street, as is the 7-11. I feel like I should be riding the train into downtown, eating lunch at Finagle A Bagel, watching people pass by windows through my glassy eyes, through thick panes that bend and clatter with every breath of breeze.

I should be only 100 miles away from Maine... not 2000. I could go up there for the day, I could go sit on my bench in Kennebunkport. I could drive along the coast and stop for a beach walk at sunset.

I could pace the shore in the morning, coaxing the emerging sun while crisp ocean breezes mess my hair and chap my skin.

But... I'm in Texas. It was 65 degrees and sunny here on Friday, yesterday. Today it rains with a wind chill of 21-- it feels like Boston, today...

but there's no harbor smell full of salt and sea and fish, there are no people gruffly nudging me out of their way, and twangy drawls replace misplaced (or missing) "r's" ("aaaa's") in overheard speech.

People smile here-- at strangers, at customers, at clerks, at passers-by-- and I lived in New England long enough that now I understand what a professor of mine from Vandy meant when he said it made him feel paranoid, like these people wanted something from him or knew something he didn't or might be about to mug or kill him.

I see what he means now...

But I'm glad to see those smiles.