journal-11/30/00

11/30/00

people i will miss...

i have a friend who, i just found out tonight, is moving back to morocco. he misses his family immensely... much like i miss mine. i can see it in his eyes, the calm that's there, now that he's decided to go.

i told him my news, too... and we decided to spend some time together before we each go our separate ways.. before i land 2000 miles away, before he lands many more thousands of miles away... i told him he'd better let me book his flight for him. he laughed...

he is a kind and generous spirit, a very succulent wild male and i will miss him.

there are others, too...

one who i met when riding the commuter train to and from work every day.. we have the same stop. one day in late june he said hello to me, and we've been good friends ever since.

we had dinner tonight and i broke the news to him... i could see his whole face sag.

certain people i work with now, i look forward to seeing every day.

i sat in finagle a bagel this morning... and i realize, i have really enjoyed working in downtown. it's great for people-watching... so many people to watch, all the time...

the little girl who works evenings at finagle a bagel-- she always smiles when i come in, and i go in nearly every day. mostly just to get one of their scrumptious chocolate chip cookies... maybe an orange mango juice-- nantucket nectars.

people who don't even try to understand me, they just sort of raise their eyebrows and get that funny grin on their face when someone doesn't quite understand the person they're talking to... but that's ok.. i'll remember most people i've encountered here for one reason or another-- some for their rudeness, some for their ability to make fun of people, some for their helpfulness, some for their kindness, some for their knowledge, some for their lack of knowledge...

everyone is special...

the very hot guy i sat across from tonight on the commuter train... i caught him looking at me so many times (why?), yet for some reason shyness overtook me, and i couldn't bring myself to smile...

i was noticing his worn l.l.bean backpack, the nice gray scarf and very well-matched outfit... he seemed particular about his clothes. he was studying cases... probably a law student.

he was curious about me, for some reason. when we both got up for the same stop and walked over to the same door of the train, i ran into my friend and we immediately started laughing and talking just like we'd picked up a conversation we'd been having only seconds before...

and he was watching me. i could see him out of the corner of my eye, he was watching me laugh and converse... why was he so curious? is it because i was writing in my journal on the train, right in front of him, with my headphones on? is it because i didn't appear fazed by his incredibly good looks? why?

i'll miss my spontaneous friends, the ones who call and say "let's go do this" and manage to not let me or themselves talk them out of the idea...

i know i'll find friends, but it's going to be like starting all over once again (at least i'll have my family right there)...

that's ok.

i'll have my memories to carry me through for a little while... the human brain is a powerful thing, especially when it's paired with the human heart... one can endure so much and still emerge a star, shining brighter than ever.

that will be me, my friends... that will be me.