journal-09/23/00

09/23/00

i'm tired of liars.

visions of who i was before you creep into the crevices of my brain,
clouding my sight.

glimpses of my remaining innocence
slip away with every breath,

and i am left here with
nothing
except the empty shell of someone i used to know...
i've got to fill in the pieces again--
color in the spaces,
rewind the tape
so i can remember where i left off
before the erasing.

*** *** ***

purge, purge
the garbage,
the stuff of you--
get it out of my head,
grasp it out of my soul,
extract,
exorcise,
anything--
just to be rid of you
(holding me back,
i can't move forward--
for now,
i only shuttle back and forth
like a ferry,
momentarily visiting a spot of redemption
and promise
only to leave,
catapulted back to the old port--
you.
i only fear the ferry might
break down somewhere in the middle,
so that i'm lost forever,
no treasure, just
sunken
forgotten,
immobile,
skimmed over.)