journal-08/10/00

08/10/00

Thunder, thunder, lightning--
come
inside to my playground
in the deep, black night.
Rumble and crackle with all your might
while nature's strobe-light of
continuous electricity
makes your night sky beam.

And forgive me--
don't go
quite so quickly as you arrived--
in this way you remind me
of a one-night fuck
who leaves abruptly just after coming
and I haven't even had a chance
to catch my breath
until you're on your way
to the next house,
the next town--
I can only savor the smell
penetrating my room
and the thought that I might remember
all the things you did for me,
all the noises you made--
when really, the memory starts to fade
the instant my eyelids
grow too heavy to hold open anymore
and I meander off to sleep,
moaning quiet, smiling words
about how good you were to me--
and "you bastard,"
for leaving me too goddammed soon.

This is what I miss about Texas-- nowhere has such incredible thunder and lightning storms, nobody has 'em like Texas. Tonight was truly something to remember-- rain falling in such a rage from the sky I couldn't see across the street... lightning flashing so quickly and brightly that the whole neighborhood was a flickering ghost town in the night... thunder so constant and unpredictably loud and soft I listened as carefully as I could, waiting for the big "BOOM!" that would make me jump out of my feet and laugh nervously with excitement-- even though it only lasted 15-20 minutes-- where a Texas thunderstorm would last off and on all night. I got so used to them growing up that I'd actually enjoy going to bed during a thunderstorm-- it'd put me to sleep.

I miss that.

And making love during an intense lightning and thunderstorm-- well, there's just nothing quite like it...

It's 4:30am.

And I really don't mind that I'm awake...