journal-10/16/99

10/16/99

I woke up Friday morning from a dream that I walked in on my boyfriend having sex with one of his radio groupies...

I spoke with an ex-boyfriend tonight whose girlfriend of four years broke up with him a couple of months ago. He never told her that he loved her... and he agreed with his father's statement that she was too good for him... and he's still angry and very hurt (though he'd never admit to being hurt), and he's on the rebound with a girl who's 10 years younger than he is, and she's got a boyfriend... his confidence is at an all-time low and I worry about him though I know it's pointless...

I washed and vacuumed out my car today...

Friday night I went out with friends and we sat at Chili's drinking good drinks and eating good food... and it occurred to me that I could have been anywhere in the US. I used to sit in Chili's with friends in Dallas, in Nashville, and even in Philly...

I saw the movie Random Hearts. Don't you make the same mistake... it's really long, really slow, and really bad...

I thought I was going to be moving in December to a place that's 5 minutes from where I work but now I'm not. I'm disappointed...

I've found that I can and will never stop caring about people that I have ever cared for, no matter how badly they might have hurt me... I still love, still feel concern, still care...

This past week a mother of one of my students went off on me about various things concerning her son, and all I could do was shrug my shoulders, do my best to explain away her concerns, and feel sorry for her...

I've found that I'm always a sucker for someone who's hurting... I need to feel needed and I am attracted to those who need help, whether or not they know they need help...

I need to feel needed, or I feel out of place, worthless...