journal-random

1/20/99

Yeah, so today is actually 2/23, but I just found these-- they've been hiding in miscellaneous papers in my room, and just appeared. Actually, I knew they were there the whole time, but it just occurred to me to pull them out and place them here. I was walking home one day and I felt things welling up inside of me. So, I had to stop and write down whatever it was. I sat on a wooden bench in the half-dark of falling night, and I scribbled, and people stared at me as they strode by, and I didn't care.

So.

*** *** ***

People are beautiful.

There's a lot I don't know and that's sometimes what gets me out of bed in the morning, is that I might learn something or help someone, but that's not my point; my point is, people are beautiful.

They can tramp you down, they can raise you up, they can get in tune with the voices in your head, and when those voices merge in open harmony, a moment of heavenly song echoes in your mind...

even if only for an instant.

Someone called me wise today.

I have been told I have an "old soul," which goes beyond my years.

Perhaps.

But I think more often than not, it's got less to do with wisdom and more to do with reflection. I spend time reflection on my self and the type of person I want to be.

Whereas too many people simply do, do, do, and never reevaluate. They're jogging in place instead of running the marathon.

I do not see myself as wise, only observant.

I envelop into myself at times, and that's when I catch up with what's been going on in my heart, with the things I might have missed.

*** *** ***

I am beautiful.

And I'm sick of women going on and on about men, whining... worried they won't find "the one" before they're old and gray.

I just want to say, "Shut up!"

I am a worthwhile person. I am strong, independent, versatile, funny, wacky, loving, kind, helpful, and someday I will find a man who sees me as beautiful, inside and out,

just the way I am.

Until that day, I will continue to be myself, and I will grow stronger until I discover that man.

And then I will swoop him up (I can only hope I won't be so foolish as to let him get away).

Until that day,

I am beautiful.